So, we're having a baby...

It feels odd calling this the beginning but, for anyone who has gone through a pregnancy or embarked upon it, I think they'll understand. I found out that I was pregnant way back in July but it's only the last few weeks that it's felt particularly real. Don't get me wrong, the nausea, the tiredness, the need to eat copious amounts of carbs, the aches, pains and watching things gently expand, they were all huge indicators but the odd thing about the beginning of a pregnancy is that you've only had a home test to prove it. I did 3 tests, just in case, all positive, all to be believed. Then you tell the GP and you imagine there will be something to definitely check, like a good ol' poke around or by throwing you into a river in a sack to see if you sink but they rather wonderfully just take your word for it.

My 12-week scan was just an hour after my booking appointment. During the booking appointment, whilst being asked where I wanted to give birth and how my eyesight was (among every other question under the sun), I was fully aware that all this questioning could be for nothing. I had convinced myself that I'd go in for the scan and all we'd see was an empty space.

'Why have you wasted our time like this?'

'But the positive tests...'

I even refused to look into the little sample bag of things that they give you (to be honest, anything that contains sample pots in an NHS ward feels like it could go horribly wrong) in fear of it all being for nothing and then having to face them snatching it away from me. And I bloody love a free sample.

I'll be honest, it felt like that if I really fancied a morning hanging out at my local antenatal ward, I could have done it. I totally understand that there's no point in the NHS spending precious, much-needed money on pregnancy tests when the ones we buy are so reliable now but it just feels odd. And really I just wanted someone in the know to confirm that I wasn't denying myself wine, soft cheeses and pate for nothing.

Thankfully, it wasn't all a dream/error/anti-climax because the scan showed an irritating little pest that wouldn't get in the right position and gave us a ridiculously poor photo to go home with. And I wouldn't want them any other way. So far I've been told everything's okay. My wee is okay. My bloods are okay. My blood pressure is okay. My baby's heartbeat is all okay. Even the bag of samples turned out to be okay, mainly for the cutest pot of Sudocrem you have ever seen in your life.

Now, of course, I have to contend with being a pregnant actor. I've found myself in a little niche that will, hopefully, go on for another 6 months. While pregnant roles seem unwilling to crop up so far (damn those fake pregnancy bellies coming over here taking our jobs...), my growing stomach has managed to land me a role play job of someone who's overweight and therefore saved them having to find extra padding. I'm sure I should feel bad about taking the role from someone else who could play the role without having to get knocked up first but the instability of self-employment and a measly maternity allowance will only keep this baby in novelty hats sensible clothes for so long.

There's a whole world of new, exciting and terrifying things to contend with, so many unknowns, so many things out of our control, but it's all okay so far...

Currently in need of...

Seedlip. A NON-ALCOHOLIC GIN. After months of bloody lime and soda, I'm in danger of ordering gallons of this and just bathing in the stuff. The spice one is so up my street it's basically moved in already.

Currently appalled by...

Belvoir fake wine. I had such high hopes for this with winter coming up but DEAR GOD. This is poor man's Vimto with a fancy label and I'd rather risk a disapproving look for downing a full-bodied Merlot than have to face this stuff again.


  1. Yay that's fantastic news!

    Don't give up on the non-alchy wines etc - there are some good ones out there (actually there are some lovely non-alchy ciders out there too).

    ...and don't worry about taking work from us ''overweight'' actors - can't tell you the number of times I've been cast as pregnant because "You have that Mummy tummy, you'll do" so it all evens out ;)

    Yell if there's anything individualistic you'd like knitted for the wee one (I don't do standard baby stuff in standard colours).

  2. Congratulations!
    On the wine front: having a number of friends who are observant Jews, a short serving of actual red wine once a week is usually OK. Sabbath tradition.
    I am not a doctor, just sharing anecdotal info from multiple-time mommies who have numerous, adorable, healthy, feisty children.

    1. Ah yes, I've had the odd half glass of wine safe in the knowledge that *everyone* I know who has previously given birth has done the exact same! But thankfully there are plenty other options to try out for when I've had my quota and can't face another juice or cup of tea!


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